So a few weeks ago I noticed that the local station I work at didn’t have a movie review show. So me and my good friend Maren decided to remedy this situation.
I think we get a good discussion going, despite my inability to get a point across in under thirty seconds.
Here’s the review I wrote, which I reference a few times in this video.
The Substance Review:
Here’s a list of things I probably won’t willingly do for awhile after seeing this movie:
- Eat
- Sleep
- Have sex, like, ever
Without spoiling anything, I’m not a fan of Cronenberg-esque body horror, yet I kept my eyes wide open and paid attention the whole time to this movie. I did this while the rest of the audience cringed aloud and whispered in shock. If you’re not prepared for this movie, you’re going to have a bad time. Hell, you can prepare yourself all you want and still have a bad time.
Visceral, is the word. It’s very intense. Should you see it? Yes.
This movie is like a love-making session between David Cronenberg and Michael Bay’s Victoria Secret commercials – during which Cronenberg was ashamed of himself and David Lynch was watching through the window.
The dialogue and acting is very over-the-top, with each character basically being a strawman or blatant archetype. That’s not a criticism, though, because this movie is very very unsubtle about what it has to say. Female beauty standards, it points out, are to the point of parody now and the damage they cause are terrifying. Yes, it’s body horror but it’s psychological horror with a lemon squeeze of humorous satire. There was laughter in the audience as well as gasping and shock, but I found myself wondering if the parts people were laughing at were intended to be funny.
All this talk and I haven’t even gotten to the plot yet. Essentially, an aging woman, Elizabeth Sparkle, played by Demi Moore, has been all but exiled from her life as a beautiful starlet. With no family or anything else to really live for, she learns of “the substance” which forces her to graphically “give birth” to a younger, prettier version of herself. Forced to switch back and forth Jeckyl and Hyde style, she struggles to find a balance between her new sexy identity as “Sue” and her former identity as “Elizabeth.”
The cinematography mirrors that of an Apple commercial. Minimalist views to showcase a shallow, dehumanizing depiction of women. For every bit of eye candy it shows you, with closeups on both Demi Moore’s and Margaret Qualley’s bodies, it also shows you horrific and gruesome consequences to the viewer’s objectification. You might ogle Margaret Qualley’s backside, but you’ll throw up at what she goes through and what she does for herself.
My biggest issue with the film is its extended ending, I think. It goes through several points where the film seems ready to stop, yet keeps going and getting more and more grotesque as the story continues. I suppose that’s part of the point, just when you think that the protagonist, and by extension, humanity, has reached the bottom someone throws in a shovel. Or maybe I was just exhausted by the monstrous imagery by the end.
My only other complaint is how obvious the green screen effects can be at times. I get that green screens can be difficult to work with, but in this day and age, someone in the editing suite was half-assing it.
To summarize, The Substance is the John Frankenheimer’s “Seconds” mixed with David Lynch’s “The Elephant Man” dressed up as David Cronenberg’s “The Fly” crushed into a trendy mid aughts commercial. And if that doesn’t sell it for you, nothing will.
– The Madness
JStiver.com 