“It’s okay to see this movie,” I told myself as I bought tickets. “No, it’s not going to be good but see it anyways because you love Sonic and you want to see him fight Shadow.” And indeed, Sonic fights Shadow, but it’s weighed down by so much atrocious dialogue and unfunny jokes that go on for too long.
I wanted to like this movie because it had the characters I loved during my formative years, but it’s just. So. Awful.
Okay so… Sonic and friends are enjoying an unbearably wholesome life when some military guys (who definitely don’t have ulterior motives) come and recruit them to fight Shadow. Shadow is pissed because fifty years ago, he made friends with Maria – a little girl who is one saccharine montage away from having a tragic death. Mad at the world, and who isn’t these days, Misery the Edgehog is awoken from his slumber and teams up with Jim Carrey (teamed up with his grandfather, Jim Carrey) to blow up the world. Sonic and friends have to fight to save everyone.
What follows is cliche’ dialogue, groan-inducing humor, CGI, and a half-assed plot that doesn’t know the meaning of the word “subtlety.” Jim Carrey’s career committed suicide right in front of my eyes. And no, sorry, not even the legendary Keanu Reeves can save this franchise from running itself into the ground.
There’s a brief moment when Robotnik’s only friend Agent Stone tells Shadow that he made some guac, to which, Shadow then mutters, “revenge guac” to nobody in particular. I have no clue why that line is even in the movie. Did one of the writer’s think it was funny? Is it one of the many, many jokes in this film that fall flat? Someone was paid a lot of money to write that, and they can’t possibly be worth that much money.
I think the most awful part is the tone. The tone pinballs all over the place. Imagine taking the worst episode of Scooby-Doo and splicing it with scenes from John Wick and you might have an idea of what this film feels like on a conceptual level. Shadow just doesn’t work in this kind of movie.
The thing is, though, that this could have worked. The whole damn franchise could have worked if they threw out the idiot idea that it has to be a dime a dozen kid film. The only time the movie works at all is when it plays up what the fans of the games are there to see – Sonic fighting badguys. If there were no live action characters, if there was no attempt at saturating the script with “jokes,” if they knew who their audience was it could be a fun animated romp with beloved mascots.
And I know for a fact that someone is working to make these movies good, despite all the cynical assholes who do it for a paycheck. I know this because Tyson Hesse is working as a character designer and that’s the only part of this train-wreck that works. The CGI characters who look and animate like they should all work as well as they do because Tyson Hesse is working tirelessly to squeeze something good out of these abominations. If only the other people who work on these films gave as much as a damn as Tyson Hesse.
And don’t you DARE tell me that it’s okay for the movie to suck this bad because it’s for children. My favorite movie this year, The Wild Robot is for kids and it’s a damn good movie. Nobody working on that film said, “well it’s for children, let’s just shit something out.”
No, I don’t recommend Sonic the Hedgehog 3. Don’t do it to yourself, just see something else.
– The Madness
JStiver.com 